okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
