Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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