Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?