I wanna bring you to show and tell
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.