When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You should frame my arrest warrant.