he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
