do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
