I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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