Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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