dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I want is dick and wine.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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