he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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