We got so high we made milksteak
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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