Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
