Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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