Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
