I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
