she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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