you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
