I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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