Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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