Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
