Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
