Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
