OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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