His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
