Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
