i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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