2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dignity is for republicans.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
