There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My penis needs a shock collar
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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