Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we made out on top of his cat.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
