it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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