I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
