Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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