I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
