Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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