the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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