I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
