he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
