She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
