Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize