Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
