phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
