is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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