I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
