My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
