btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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