Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
