hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
