I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
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Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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