I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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