He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
