Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She needs sedatives and a leash
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i now understand why vodka
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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