I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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