Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize