Say something about gay babies.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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