So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
