He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
