it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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