You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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