hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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