My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
