you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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