we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
