i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
