You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
